Sunday, March 18, 2012

I joined pinterest about 6 months ago, maybe even longer. I fell in love instantly. I use it daily. However, I'm noticing some things popping up in my life that weren't here before Pinterest.
All of a sudden I feel like I dress like crap, look like crap in general, and need to lose 10 pounds and make more money so that I can dress and look like model above. Hmm. That can't be good.
I have come to the realization that my hair DOES not look like the lady (probably 12 year old) in the above picture. Mine looks more like, well, mine, and that bums me out.
I have stopped cooking actually. Haven't wanted to cook in about 6 weeks because I realize that I am just not that good of a cook and have become apathetic about cooking. It goes back to the feeling fat and ugly part, because if I cook all the food that I see on pinterest, I would be even fatter.
The thought of having that outdoor fireplace is depressing since I will never have it. Pinterest has pointed out to me daily that I teach school, make a whopping $39K/year and most everything I see on that site is grossly out of reach, since yes, I'm not wealthy, or a man.
I have found that I now try different make-up techniques. I wear fake eye lashes to church or out on special occasions. I am unsatisfied with my eyes and feel like they look terrible all of the time. If I could only hire a make up artist every day, or have my face photoshoped before I go out the door. Dang it Pinterest, quit making everyone's faces look so dang perfect!
I'm single! Thank you for pointing it out all of you that are constantly planning weddings. I will not have that for a long time probably and that makes me depressed. I'm alone every single night when I crawl into my bed. When my kids make me crazy or I have to deal with crap like electrical problems, there is no husband to help me; I'm alone. Once again, thanks pinterest.
Back to the $39K/year; I'm poor! I will never be able to afford my dream house. Never. Even when the kids leave, still won't. I will still be poor and still be living in my NOW not so adequate house, that was totally adequate before pinterest came into my life. Now I find that I want to buy a new house; move one to bigger and better. Not good thoughts.
I always felt like I was doing a great job with my kids, then I see all of these posts with all of these ideas of what everyone in the world seems to know about raising children and doing all of these fun things. I just hug them and read them bed time stories. I didn't realize I was doing such an inadequate job before pinterest. Dang, one more thing I need to do better on.
The dream of traveling the world has always illuded me. Now it's pointed out to me daily. A dream I just can't afford :(
Back to the wedding/marriage thing. I'm a failure at marriage and realize it. Even iwthout the husband though, I can't even afford the ring above that I would love to have. Quite frankly, I think the ring is more within my reach than the husband. Thanks again for pointing out my loneliness.
Pinterest has an ENDLESS amount of home improvment ideas out there, and I've pinned a ton of them, just to depress me and point out that not only do I NOT have the time, but I don't have the money to do these projects, or the knowledge. Crap, the list of what I'm inadequate at keeps growing.
I thought my 30 minutes work out each morning at 5am was cutting it until I looked at my body and realized that I'm just not doing enough. I mean really, look at these women's bodies on pinterest, and their work out routines aren't so difficult. With the hundreds to choose from, mine was silly and obviously nothing that worked. So now I realize that not only is my workout not effective, I'm not doing enough because I don't look like that and can't do most of the exercises these women do.


So here's the thing; is this good for me? I've been thinking that I should give it up, say good bye to pinterest, but then I start to panic. Where would I go to store all of the recipes (that I don't make), all the ideas for the dream house that I will never have, the workouts that I will NEVER do, the hair that I will never be able to have, or the ways to make myself a better mom? Where indeed?? Then it hit me, pinterest is like pornography for women! I don't want to give it up; I feel like I can't quit looking at all of the amazing pins, all of which make me feel inadequate in some way or another. Why do I like it if it makes me feel totally and completey inadequate? I don't know! and that frustrates me. Maybe it's hope; hope that I will someday be a better mom, a better housekeeper, a better cook, have more money to buy that dream house, or the ability to build that outdoor fireplace. I just don't know, but I've been very down on everything lately and being trying to figure out why and I really think that pinterest has something to do with it. I loved my house and thought I was amazing a while ago. I was proud of myself for the little workout I do each day at 5 am and thought my hair was looking pretty dang good. I just want to feel that way again, to just be happy that I hug my kids, tell them constantly how much I love them, and sit and hold Sammy each night to read to him before bed and have that be enough. Is there anyone else that feels the same way that I do about pinterest, or am I looking at it all wrong?