Friday, December 25, 2009

Could I be the Grinch?

The second Thanksgiving is over I pull the christmas decoration out with much zeal. The house goes through it's transformation into a winter wonderland of red, silver, and white (my personal christmas color decorations)! I love it and I love decorating for it. I love everything about getting ready for christmas, the music, the decorations. the stockings, the cooking, and the shopping. I'm the first to admit that I go WAY overboard each year because I just love buying my kids gifts! And each year it's the same, the same sweet anticipation of christmas morning and the joy that will be brought to the faces of my sweet children.....SCREECH!!! Not so fast. Therein lies the problem.

I love all the preparations that go along with christmas and HATE the actual event. Yes, I realize that this may sound a bit depressing and brutally honest, but for anyone that knows anything about me, that's me! The utter dislike of the actual day stems from having children grow up and a lot of years of being alone or not having the kids at all, let's get that strait right from the beginning, christmas without your kids is, well, just about the most depressing thing you can imagine x 10. Everyone makes a great effort to make sure you are included, but really when it comes down to it, it's a lot less depressing to sit on the couch in your pj's, watching falalala lifetime (christmas movies) for hours on end with a huge supply of junk food feeling pretty sorry for yourself than it is to watch people in the happy marriages with their happy kids. I know, it's probably really rude of me to say that, but any single parent I'm guessing will agree with me. It's like having a happy life rubbed in your face on the hardest day of the year. Not so fun, even though I know that NOBODY ever means that and just loves all of us single parents!

I wander, this is not the point of my entry. The thing is, that the years you have your kids, you put SO much anticipation into being able to enjoy that day and not be depressed that it's a complete let down. You know, it's like when you go out to eat at that "incredible" restaurant that everyone loves and that's all you've ever heard about, you order and it's not nearly what you expected and you feel like you just got financially raped for wasting your money (usually a lot of it) and feeling like you could have made it better at home for free. It's that feeling, but worse because it's your children.

This morning was no exception to my complete and utter disappointment in christmas. Maybe it's my fault. Wait, I know it's my fault - my kids are spoiled brats is what it comes down to. Okay, I love my daughters and most of the time I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but let's face it, most kids of that generation are basically just totally and completely ungrateful and expect life and all it's wonders to be handed to them on a silver platter and when they don't get it, well they let you know it. I have created it, along with the world that they live in and I hate it. I want them to have so much and I try to give them a really good life. Unfortunetly for me (and them) I go overboard on christmas, along with most of the world.

This year I thought that maybe things would be different. Actually, I didn't actually remember how much I hated this day until today when the total let down was shoved in my face as my girls (12 and 9) looked through their stockings and I could see the disappointment on their faces. Let me see, the shirt Jane got wasn't nearly as cute as what Katy had, and she didn't get shoes, and on and on. To Kate's credit, she didn't say anything and really was fine, just not showing any signs of happiness (normal I guess for her age). Sammy was just riding around the room on his new scooter, oblivious to the surrounding nightmare that was soon to errupt.

I tried, I really did. I tried so hard to not let it affect me and to be happy and to try to not let it ruin my day. I chalked it up to them being tired and got up to make breakfast. At that point Kate began to yell at me for stopping and wanting to have a nice, big breakfast because she wanted to open the presents RIGHT NOW! Let's just say that I wanted to jump down her throat. No, I wanted to take Sammy, get in the car, with all of their presents, and just drive to a shelter somewhere and give them all of the gifts and then walk in the door with NOTHING!!!!

Once again, I controlled myself and told her that she couldn't talk to me that way and that we were going to have a nice morning and stop and have breakfast and that way Christmas would last longer and not be "over" in an hour. By the way, we always do that, so it shouldn't have been some surprise to her. I offered the prayer on the food, making sure to pray for all of those poor, unfortunate children out there that did not have so much on this day and were not nearly so blessed. I went on a little about how blessed we were, hoping that it would maybe sink in that they were not showing their gratitude.

Okay, sorry that this is so long, but you know me - long winded when it comes to writing. Maybe that's because I hate actually talking to people and sharing my life. How pathetic am I? Don't answer that, I already know. Anyway, I was doing the breakfast dishes and someone said something and I did lose it. I couldn't hold it in anymore and just said "I don't want to do this anymore. You are both so incredibly ungrateful for all that you have and I can't stand watching it. I am going away from both of you." I walked out of the room and started to cry in my room thinking about how my children had turned out like this and how they really had NO idea in the world how blessed they really are. It broke my heart to be honest with you and made me so sick to my stomach. I just sat there and cried and cried wishing that things were different. I hated that I was alone and didn't have a husband to come in and comfort me and to tell me that this was normal and that he let them have it when I left the room crying. I wanted to have a different life at that moment and didn't want to do this alone anymore. I feel like I am doing it all wrong and I don't know how to do it any better. I try so hard to teach my children gratitude above all else, but they just don't get it.

Christmas is a huge in your face showing of your children's views on gratitude and mine failed miserably once again. Katy came in after I could hear the girls yelling at eachother and realizing that that was not going to get them anywhere, to try to comfort me in her own sweet way. I will say, that she really does hurt when I am struggling and shows a great deal of compassion when I have my little breakdowns. I try so hard to cry in private and to not let them see that I can't handle life sometimes, but I can't always hide it.

At that moment, I just wanted to cry and to go back to bed and start all over again. No, I just wanted the day to be over. Jane made a pathetic attempt at an apology (she can be very insincere when she's not sorry and it comes off way bratty), and I just told them that I wasn't coming out of my room until I could see some form of gratitude. I will admit that it was humorous and took about an hour for them to figure it out, that all I wanted was happy kids that showed gratitude for all that they had and showed gratitude for me and all that I do by helping me and thinking of others. I could finally hear them working together, trying to figure it out and then it happened, I heard the sound of dishes being done, garbage being taken out all the way to the actual trash can, and things being cleaned. It may not be a lot, but it was what I needed to get over it. I walked out and gave them hugs and told them how much I loved them and how much it hurt to me see that they didn't appreciate all that they have been given by me and more importantly, by our Heavenly Father.

We proceeded with opening our gifts and it was a different house. They were smiling and laughing. They were happy and showing actual gratitude. Now I have no idea if it will be anything that will last, but it was nice for the moment. However, it doesn't change that I just hate this day and probably will for a long time. I love the buildup to this day, but just hate this day. I spent the rest of the day cooking a huge dinner for lets see, me, my three children (that would be just as happy with cereal), and Casey, who came to see Sammy and spend time with him. Very unrewarding. I was and am TOTALLY exausted and at the end of it all, have a huge mess to clean, things to put away that don't have places, too much garbage, and a hole in my heart that I have children that don't appreciate all that they have. Honestly, I don't want to do christmas anymore. I think that from now on I will decorate and do all of that and just omit the shopping part of it and just give my kids NOTHING!!!!!!! They have everything and need nothing and I'm sick of having bad attitudes pointed out to me when I go above and beyond and them not appreciating it. So I may be a whiner and I may be totally negative and complaining and wishing for the world, but you know what, I hate hate hate ingratitude. Yes I wish that I had a lot more in the way of money and a actual husband rather than a fantisy one that I hope to have at some point, but the reality is that I'm so grateful each and every day for all that I have. I wake up daily thanking my Heavenly Father for all that he has given me. I don't have a lot when it comes to material things, that will probably never change, and that's kind of okay. I'm just grateful and wish that my kids were too.

So, I have become the Grinch, a twisted grinch! One that LOVES the holiday season, and just hates the holiday. I won't do it anymore. It isn't worth it and makes me feel horrible, and I don't want to feel that way. So if you have any suggestions on what we can do instead, feel free to let me know. And if you say "use the money to go on a lovely family vacation" HELL no (sorry for the strong language). My kids don't even appreciate that! So, I don't want to spend the money and I don't to give them anything. So my dear friends (or maybe not), please let me know what you think I should do instead on christmas day. If you made it to this point, please help me and tell me what I can do instead because really, they will not get christmas next year. NOTHING!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Last summer the 3 kids and I took a long trip to CA. We started at Lisa's, went to San Fran to see the Muir Woods (spectacular), and then to Yosemite (also AMAZING). Katy snapped this picture of Sammy and me and I love it. We had a lot of fun.

Since I didn't have a picture of me with Mr. Safety, I couldn't tell you about our date night to the demolition derby conference saturday. I was hoping that someone would have found a Mr. Safety for me so that I could start posting all the fun that we have! :) But alas, it was me and the kids (and Jen and her kids) as usual. The derby was great. We witnessed a broken leg, a broken nose, and some other unidentified injury, along with a great roll over where the truck landed on it's top. It was great! The only thing that would have made it better would have been Mr. Safety sitting by my side cheering on the cars!

So, I'm still desperatly seeking Mr. Safety! 

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Desperatly seeking Mr. Safety

The last time my sisters and I were together I thought we were going to die laughing. Now honestly, you get 6 grown women together and there's a lot to laugh about, especially if they all grew up together. Some how an old friend my my oldest sister Lisa's was brought up. This was a guy that we have always laughed about because of how unique this person was. We loved him like a brother, but honestly, a little weird. Well, this particular person drove an old car and in the front seat of the car was his constant friend, a female mannequin. 

He just said that he didn't like to drive around alone, which brought up Lisa's sister-in-law when she was single and doing a lot of driving. Her dad, apparantly bought her a "Mr. Safety", which is the torso of a mannequin that you drive around with so that you look like you aren't alone and you won't be accosted by some stranger preying on single women driving cars!

Well, as you can imagine, one thing led to another and pretty soon we were dying of laughter. You see, my single status opened the door for many things regarding Mr. Safety. All of a sudden Mr. Safety was a good idea for me. He could stand in the window, casting an omminous shadow, scaring off any would-be intruders. I could take him to the movie with me on a Friday night and enjoy a lovely bowl of popcorn. He wouldn't even eat much and would be more than happy to hold the popcorn for me without even complaining.  I could put roller-skates on him and take nice long walks, holding his hand. Think of all that we could talk about; and he wouldn't even be able to be at all negative, I could talk his ear off and tell him all my worries without ever feeling like he was tired of what I was saying. Watching tv in the evening would be so nice. I could sit him on the couch and enjoy laughing and talking to someone, other than myself.  And the best would family pictures. I would have a husband in all my pictures. 

If you are at all familiar with Flat Stanley, this was the image that popped into my head. Me, my kids, and Mr. Safety on family vacations, having picnics in the park, going to Lagoon, and other memorable experiences. Wouldn't the pictures be hillarious? We all thought they would. 

So, if you know anyone that has a male mannequin just lying around, or know where I could pick one up pretty inexpensively, please let me know. I may not be great at having real husbands, but I think this might just work out for the both of us. After all, he can't want a divorce!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Cirque de la Symphony

The Utah Symphony does each of there performances in Ogden before they do them in Salt Lake. I had the opportunity to buy 2 student season passes (4 shows in the series I chose) and had to only buy one a full price. I think it is so important to expose my kids to the arts. It's not that I love the symphony, but the 4 shows that I chose to take the girls to all seemed to be the symphony and something along with it.

This last Thursday was our first show. The girls had no idea what to even expect. The symphony started and it was just the symphony. Katy leaned over and said "is this is, cause I'm not loving this?".  I knew that there were performers from Cirque du soleil (sp) that would be coming out at some point. The next number it all began. Immediately she leaned back over, with a smile on her face, and said "I'm loving this", and my heart smiled. When intermission came around the three of us couldn't believe that we had just sat through an hour of amazement. The time flew by. The lat 1/2 of the show as as amazing as the first, probably better. There were acrobats on rings hanging from the ceiling above and in front of the symphony, one woman did tricks on a rope that would scare anyone, jugglers, magic, a woman that did amazing contortions with her body on a stool or two, a man flying around the stage and front portion of the audience  from scarfs flying of of his back, and the strangest and most amazing off all, two men that did contortions and balancing with their bodies. One man would actually stand on one had on the head of the other, while he was sitting up. It was unbelievable. 

When the show was over, the girls thanked me profusely for taking them, and I smiled and was so grateful that I had the means to take them and share that evening with them. The rest of the shows won't be that spectacular, but they were introduced to the symphony and left loving it. It was worth every penny and more and I can't wait until the next performance!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My Summer

Our summer was so full of fun. Sam (my brother) told me that I needed to do more fun things with the kids, that as difficult as it can be, that's where memories are made. I decided I would do everything I could to take the kids on fun day trips or vacations, whatever I could find. Here are some of the activities that we did this summer. I must say, I'm pretty impressed with myself. I hope that good memories were made cause it was a heck of a lot of work!
Timpanogos Caves. If you haven't been there, it's well worth the hike. It was unbelievable!

This is Nevada Falls at Yosemite. We went in June and LOVED it. It's an amazing place.
Antelope Island balloon and kite festival. We just went last week. Most fun was watching the girls dance in front of everyone. I love those girls!
South Weber Days. Kate was on the student council float. I was so proud as she drove by!

                                                              Water park in California.
Sammy's first trip to Lagoon. I went on a couple of rides and had to sit for 3 hours to recover. I'm not 18 any more and the rides make me SO sick. Sammy had fun though!
A lot of popsicles and just lounging around outside!
Muir Woods in California. We loved that day. They were amazing!

Overall it was a great summer. We had so much fun and I didn't even freak out that many times. I amazed myself with how good I was with the kids and how much fun we had. We went to the State Fair last Thursday to walk around and watch the rodeo. It was a lot of fun and even Sammy was good. This week I'm taking the girls to the symphony. It should be fun because there is some variation of Cirque de Sole performing while they play. In spite of how busy my life is, I'm grateful that my brother pointed out that I need to take the time to just enjoy my kids and to take them to fun places. This was the best summer of my life!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Do you ever just feel like it's too much, like you have too much on your plate, or that your plate isn't nearly as big as you would like it to be? 

That is my week this week. I'm not sure which I would rather have, a larger plate to hold it all, or just less on my existing plate. Either option sounds good right now.

I went back to work this week, today to be precise. School starts on Monday and teachers all went back to work either today or tomorrow. I'm not used to getting up at 6 anymore and I'm really not used to dropping my baby off at daycare. I did find a great in-home daycare that I'm really comfortable with, but let's be honest, it's not at home with me, and nothing can replace that (unless I was a crack-whore). 

As I left work today at 2:45 and rushed to Walmart to get things for dinner and diapers, it all came flooding back to me how rushed my life becomes when I work. I rush in the mornings to get ready and out the door. I rush through the day trying to be the best teacher. I rush to run an errand or two while on my way home, then rush home to the kids. I rush through some down time and play time with them as quickly as I can before I have to rush to the kitchen and pretend that I want to make a well-balanced meal. Luckily kate and Jane are old enough to do the dishes, so I can eat and rush Sammy to the bath and get him in bed. Once that is done, I'm pretty much done physically, emotionally, and in every other aspect and then I get to do the whole thing over again the next day.

I didn't even mention running my chore card business, which I do poorly because I just don't have the time or energy, and then there's my master's degree! AHHHH!! It's too much. Let's not even begin with church callings, visiting teaching and teachers, music or dance lessons, and all the other stuff that comes with being a mom. I miss having a husband right about now, that's for sure.

I'm not complaining really (well, kind of because I HATE that I have to go back to work), just wishing that I was superwoman, or at least had some super powers to do it all with a Mary Poppins skip to my step and a Pollyanna tune on my lips.  Maybe in a couple of weeks, once I have figured out how to rebalance my life again things will feel better and I may be able to play the glad game (pollyanna) a little easier, even if I'm still not skipping around the house singing about how wonderful life is. Oh well, we can't all have Mary Poppins and Pollyanna lives now can we? 

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I'm pretty sure he's mine!

So I was looking through some old picture albums and found what has to be one of my favorite pictures of me. Aren't I cute? However, I'm pretty sure that if I put the same dress on Sammy and let his hair grow (yes, it's curly), you may not be able to tell who is whom. He even has my little buck tooth smile since he truly is my offspring and sucks his thumb just like I did! He's definetly mine and most of the time I'm happy to claim the little ham-bone!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Let me just start by saying that the music was not my first choice (if it plays music), but I coudn't figure out how to change it even though I really tried. Oh well.

The trip, however, was one of the best family vacations I have ever had. We started at my sister's house in Auburn (outside of Sacramento CA) then went to San Francisco for 2 days and visited the Muir Woods, which was so beautiful and I would highly recommend it. We then traveled to Yosemite and were there for 3 days. Lisa's family joined us for this part, which was so much fun. Yosemite is AMAZING and I highly recommend it. I will go back for sure. Then we went back to my sisters house and were there for about 4 days and came home. It was all that a vacation should be, full of sites, lots of relaxation, smiles, and junk food!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I haven't quite fallen off the face of the earth yet, I just don't find my life all that interesting. Well, that's not exactly true because anyone that really knows me or lives with me knows that there is always some drama in my life, it's just usually not anything that I should share. I could bore you all with the lame assignment I've been working on for the last week in my master's program, but you would all be asleep. Or I could tell you about the various things my kids are doing (Jane's dance recital is coming up in two weeks! and Kate did make student council for next year in school. Both big accomplishments in the kid world) and that Sammy is learning how to say NO with much enthusiasm! He also could teach me a few things on a running slap, a nasty habit that I'm trying to break him of! But, when it comes down to it, my life is filled with the same things that yours are, and who wants to read about that. I do the laundry, make the bed, ignore the pig-stye my daughters call bedrooms, get talked back to on a more than regular basis, wonder where the day went and why I haven't showered quite yet, make dinner, hear complaints about the dinner I prepared, and tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I can always do better! Then tomorrow comes and it's just the same old thing. 

I guess that's not a bad thing. I know that my kids depend on me for all of the mundane things that I accomplish and I'm really grateful that I have the opportunity and blessing of staying home and having Sammy run at me with hands flying because I said no to him, or to have Kate roll her eyes at me and say "you are unbelievable" in a very upset way because I told her no, and to hear Jane storm off and slam the door because I told her no.  It's all in a days work and hopefully all of the door slamming, and rolling of eyes will pay off! In the mean time, I just keep trying and praying that I'm doing the right things and doing the best I can so that my kids know how much I love them and how valuable their little souls are to me.  So I don't have any really funny stories to share or any real great adventures - just my life as a housewife (wait, I'm not a wife, so what do you call that), which in reality isn't really that boring at all!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I can check it off the list!

Yesterday I did it! I ran the Race For The Cure 5K in Salt Lake. Okay, so I didn't finish first, not even in great time for that matter, but the point is that I finished. I would post a picture, but have a new computer that doesn't have the software to download and upload pictures!  I have to admit that after 6 weeks of training for this, I really thought that it would be easier. I thought that after a few weeks a training I wouldn't become winded after 2 minutes. I thought I would get to the point where every step wasn't loathed, but lo and behold, not much changed. I became winded and couldn't talk after 2 minutes and did hate every single step. I guess that some people just run and others don't. I fit into the second category.  I guess that I will continue to train because I'm supposed to do another one in a couple of weeks. I'm really hoping that by that time, I will be able to actually go more than 2 minutes before wanting to put a gun to my head! Everyone says that it gets easier - I think it's a ploy to torture the unbelievers! I'm having a hard time believing that it will EVER get easier.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with my post, but oh well. It's the old bait and switch trick. I have to use something to get people to read the post and a little handsome boy with blue yogurt all over his face might do it.

This post is about my running class because I promised an update. I didn't have a picture of me running or I would have posted that. Here's the story, but there is some background. Let me start by saying that I am not now and have never been physically fit or really physically active. I have never liked sports and have never really been able to walk more than a mile or so, let alone run. The only reason I ever saw to run was if somebody was chasing me with a sharp object. Other than that, why run? 

However, in the back of my mind, in that area that hold some of your secret desires, I have always envied women that can run. I would watch people on tv finishing marathons and just start to cry because of the incredible accomplishment and how they must feel so good about what they have just accomplished. I have a sister that runs and for the most part loves it. I have envied her. When people ask why I don't run, I have always said it's because I just can't and that's the end of that. But for years this desire to run and cross finish lines, push my body to heights that I never knew I could, has sat dormant. There was always an excuse to "not run", just like I have always found an excuse to do just about anything that I haven't wanted to push myself hard enough to do. 

About 6 weeks ago the Davis County Continuing Education paper came in the mail. I always look through the classes offered and sometimes even take one. They are cheap and pretty good classes. On the back page of the paper there it was "from couch to 5K". There is was and I knew that the time had finally come to see what my body could actually do when pushed. At first I hemmed and hawed, trying to avoid making any sort of commitment. I called friends to see if they could take it with me with no luck. At the end of the day I just decided that if nobody would take it with me I would do it. To be honest, I was TOTALLY intimidated by it. The next morning I read about the class again and decided that I was not going to accomplish this goal that I have always had sitting dormant if I continued to find reasons not to do it. I called right then and signed up for the class. 

The first day of class was terrifying for me. I didn't know if I was dressed right, I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it, and I was just plain freaked out.

Well, I'm in week two and Saturday is the 3rd class. I have the right attire now and the right shoes and I'm actually running. Okay, I have to admit that I was not designed for running. Let's face it, there are those that were given that gift from God and those that weren't. I'm in the second group and therefore it really is VERY difficult. I struggle every time I go out to run. I have to force myself to get out of bed and to just do it. I feel like I'm going to die and the entire time feel as if my lungs are being pulled out of my mouth. It's hard, I'm not going to lie about it. I still am not sure that I am going to be able to do it. I am signed up for two 5K's in May and I don't think that I will be the first one crossing the finish line, but the point of this whole thing is that I will be crossing the finish line. 

Some goals sit for years while we come up with every reason not to do it. Yes, we are busy, and out of shape, or can't afford it. There is always a reason to not do something, and I just got sick of those reasons. they were excuses because when it comes down to it, there was fear that I couldn't do it and fear of what people would think. At this point I am now just excited and proud of myself. I still wonder if my body will get to the point where I don't want to die with every step I take, but I'm doing something I've dreamed about. A 5K for most people just isn't that big a deal, I realize that. It's more than 3.1 miles though, it's being able to say I did it, that I achieved that dream. What's better than that?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

So I haven't dropped off the face of the earth.

My computer is officially dead. Okay, that's not entirely true. If I'm really lucky it will allow me to operate in safe mode, but even then it won't let me online. It's like some entity of it's own with power and control of my life. It's been like living without chocolate! Not easy to say the least.

However, I finally sold enough chore boards on etsy (my store is through that site) to actually buy myself a computer - YEAH!!! It should come in the next week. Right now I'm using Ryan and Renee's and I can't post any photos, which let's face it, is the best part of the entry!

When I get my computer I can catch you all up on my incredibly exciting life because I know that you are all on pins and needles just waiting :)

Until then - you will have to continue to wait in suspense and I'm off to my running class (tell you more about that later).

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Crowded? Just a little!

So, this last week I moved me and my three very patient kids into my parents house. My sister, her husband, and her 2 year old were currently occupying their home while they are in Guam for the next 20 months. I swallowed my pride, admited that I needed some help, and here I am. Renee and Ryan were very kind to let me invade their space.

It's not ideal for any of us, but I will say that I am very grateful that each time I fall, my family is ALWAYS there to help me pick up the pieces and do what they can to help. There are a couple of things that remain constant in my life. The first one being the gospel. I have always remained very active in the church, and even though I NEVER bear my testimony, I have an incredibly strong testimony that the church is most definetly true. It's a constant in my life that I have always counted on and that will always be there.

The other constant is my family. No matter how stupid I am or have been, they have never judged me, always loved me, and always done what they can to help. They aren't perfect, but they do what they can in thier way. My choices have landed me in some really stupid places, and they are always there to help and never say "I told you so", which I have given them SO many opportunities to say. I love my family and am very grateful for them.

Other than that, I don't have a lot that is constant in my life. I have moved 11 times in the last 8 years and have put my kids through way too much. When I moved to South Weber this time, I told Kate and Jane that if we made this move, when my parents came home, we would find a place in South Weber and stay there. I can't move anymore. I'm tired.

I wish that I had made better choices in my life. I have learned a lot, but would rather not have learned those lessons and just made good choices. If I could teach my kids one thing it would be this: that we have free agency and can make any choice we want. However, the consequences of our choices are set and ours to live with whether we want them or not, sometimes for a very long time. Not only that, the consequences of our choices have such a huge affect on others. Choices are short lived, consequences are NOT!

When all is said and done, I love my children, I love the gospel, I love my family, and it's going to be okay because it has to.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I think I have a problem!

Maybe you can't see this clearly. It's homemade brownies with a cream cheese frosting.
That was dessert last night!
And here sits enough caramel popcorn for the entire neighborhood.
Nevermind that I will sit and watch the DVR'd Bachelor and eat the entire thing single-handedly.
I don't remember what it was the night before, or the night before that, but I can assure you that there was something that I ate that was incredibly decadent and sinful.
I can't stop myself. I get done with dinner and think
"self, that was not at all satisfying. Something sweet would really hit the spot"
They I search through my cookbooks and something always jumps out at me.

Okay, so I've been more than a little depressed lately. Let's make that REALLY depressed. I LOVE sweets, not candy, sweets.
Oh yeah, I remember what it was the night before, a double size box of milk duds. Nice.

It's a really good thing that I exercise every weekday, but honestly, I don't work that hard so I'm afraid that one day one of two things is going to happen:
1. I'm going to have to start exercising VERY seriously
2. I'm going to wake up and find myself the size of my dining room table.

I think I will just keep eating the sweets each night (since I don't have a husband to make me feel better) and work a little harder at the gym.

Monday, January 26, 2009


This is my house, my rented house. Once again, things unforseen have come into my life and I have but one viable option - move into my parents empty house with my sister, her husband, and little girl. Luckily it's a pretty big house with a HUGE yard. I'm actually looking forward to having some adult company (I get pretty lonely) and don't think it will be too bad.

Here's the thing - my lease doesn't end until September and I need to get out of it now. The only way of doing that is to find someone to take it over. How fun for me! That's where you all come in - HELP! I need you all to help me find someone that is looking for a really great townhome that is actually really big (2100 sq. ft). If you come across anyone that is looking, please refer them here and let me know.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Always something to smile about around here.

Sammy has decided that he is only going to eat if he is feeding himself. He WILL NOT take food from me and it's driving me nuts because this is the affect:
Notice the head. He has decided the most food looks as good on his head as it does on the ground and everywhere else you could possibly imagine!
Below is some peach yogurt. I think more food ends up on his lap and surrounding areas than his mouth. He sure feels proud of himself though!