Monday, September 15, 2008

I've been informed that my entry gives the impression that Casey is to blame and at fault and making this difficult. I want to clarify for everyone's benefit that read that into the last entry. Casey and I are still living amicably under the same roof. We just both feel that we aren't happy and that our kids aren't happy with this marriage and everyone would be much happier in seperate homes. We even considered just living apart and staying married, but in the end felt that this was going to be the best choice.

Not only that, but honestly, Casey is being very generous with me, as he always has in all of our divorces. I'm being very sincere in saying that his generousity is making it possible for me to continue staying home for the next few years to be with my kids. It's true that I won't be living here, but I am moving to what I consider a very nice townhome, very close to Casey so that he can continue to have a huge part in Sammy's life.

Maybe this entry is also coming off in some way as attacking him, but it truly isn't. I just wanted to make that clear and that I had absolutely no intention of making the previous entry sound as if we weren't making this divorce as easy as possible for everyone and getting through it very nicely. So on that note, everyone can feel a little better about our situation :)

By the way, thanks to everyone for being so non-judgmental of my completely embarrassing situation.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

It's the sad truth - sorry

I knew this would happen. I have been secretivly packing unecessary items for a couple of weeks and stowing them in the third car garage, hoping that nobody would notice. Then I finally realized that it was inevitable - if I wanted to sell this house, I was going to have to put the sign out. The sign which had been sitting in my garage for a couple of weeks.

Finally under the cloak of darkness a few nights ago, I made the move. It was a quick and stealth like manuvre. I was just hoping and praying that nobody would notice me at that point. I was bracing myself for the onslought of questions that would follow.

They came earlier than I had hoped with a phone call the next morning bright and early. In spite of my efforts to avoid questions, they came. I hate having to face the look of wonder when people ask what is going on. It's that look that you just want to run away from or tell them it's just a big joke.

It's not a joke, although Casey is wondering if selling is financially worth it in this market - that's the good news. The bad news is that whether or not Casey sells this house is not going to be affecting the fact that I am moving. I know that this is not the best way to let people know why the house is REALLY for sale, and I hate even more than the house questions, the divorce questions and the looks of pity. I have been avoiding those looks and the judgments for about a month or so, but the truth is the truth and it's slapped me in the face at this point.

Anyone that knows my history with Casey is just saying that we are pretty much pathetic and that we will most likely end up back together. I can't very well defend myself on that point, however I know what goes on in our home and why this decision was made - so I therefore know that this is the best thing for everyone invovled and a reconciliation is not an option.

I was just going to do the same thing with the moving truck that I did with the for sale sign and leave under the cloak of darkness and let Casey deal with the complete and utter humiliation of our relationship, but have decided that number one, a HUGE moving truck is going to be very hard to hide, and number two and probably more important, is that you are all my friends and hopefully will not judge me too harshly and should know what is going on at this point.

I'm completely embarrassed about the whole thing, knowing how ridiculous it appears. If you see me at church or anywhere else however, please don't say anything to me because my eyes will well up with tears and it will unlease the flood of emotion. It just wouldn't be pretty, especially in public. I'm holding it together pretty well so that the kids aren't as affected, so I need to remain positive. And really, this is the best thing and I have a lot of faith in my Heavenly Father that he does know what is going on and that he has some plan for me that he is still trying to get me to find.

So the house is for sale, and I am moving with my two precious daughters and my baby boy. As long as I have them and a lot of faith - everything will be fine (okay, that along with a lot of alimony and child support so that I can still stay home with my kids). At least I still have my sense of humor!!

Crap - I guess I'm going to have to go in and change my family profile picture again. And even worse than that is that that picture was going on our christmas card this year. I guess that won't work will it?