Monday, August 25, 2008

I think somethings wrong with me

Today was the first day of school. I went to pick up the kids at the appointed time and they (I carpool) all showed up, except Kate. We wait, and we wait, and we send the kids in to find her. Finally after about 20 minutes I turn the car off and go in search of her just in time to see her come out of the school saying that she didn't know where we were supposed to meet, so she had been in the office calling me (I neglected once again to bring my cell phone). So here's the part that leads me to believe something is wrong with me.

I didn't just think: "oh, she's in with her teacher, or stopped to say hi to an old teacher, or hanging out with friends and lost track of time".

No, those were not the thoughts that popped into my head. I immediately began thinking that she had somehow (amongst 3 billion parents and kids) been kidnapped and was now 20 minutes away and I was not going to be able to save her.

Yes, I know - something is wrong with me.

For those of you who don't know me REALLY well, you don't know how freaky I am about something happening to my kids. I'm not just talking a little concerned, I'm talking psycho! Here's just a few examples of my craziness:

- Last week Jane went to achievment days. They went to the neighborhood pool. I walked down there with Sammy about 10 minutes after it started to make sure she hadn't drowed and was following my instructions to stay where she could touch. I then sat there for the next 20 minutes. (She was obedient though and I am just crazy)

- This summer Kate and Jane's dad had a swimming family party. I made him promise that he would make Jane wear a life jacket or I wouldn't let her go (kate can actually swim, but even then, I'm totally freaked out, but can't really make an almost 11 year old wear a life jacket). She wore the life jacket, much to her dismay.

- When my ex is late even just a little bit, in bringing them home, I see images of them in some horrific accident.

- I have a really hard time going to sleep sometimes ( a lot) because I'm wondering how I could possible save my kids and get to all of them to save them if there was an earthquake or fire and have images me not being able to save them.

- I don't like my kids to ride anything with wheels because I'm certain that they will have some freak accident and be that one statistic where they are killed or become seriously injured for life.

- I am sure that Sammy is going to choke on something, and am hyper paranoid about things that he puts in his mouth and won't take my eyes off of him when he's eating. You have never seen me move so quickly as I did last night when he popped something on the floor in his mouth. I was sure that was the end.

- When Sammy was about 5 months old, we were driving somehwere and I looked at him and he just looked weird. I freaked out and practically jumped over the seat to make sure he was okay.

- I'm actually scared to drive. Nobody would know it though. I'm sure that I am going to meet my demise in a car accident. You know the kind, where you are totally mangled, not killed instantly, and are smashed and stuck and the car is on fire. That kind of accident.

- Every time Sammy showers with Casey I'm sure that he's going to get dropped and have severe brain damage or just die.

The list is endless. I even found excuses to keep Jane home from a summer camp on teh days they went swimming. For the entire 4 hours they were there I was a basket case expecting a phone call at any second telling me that Kate had drowned.

This is my life. I have no idea why I am so neurotic. As my oldest sister pointed out on our reunion to the beach where I was certian that one of the kids was going to be ripped out to sea by some freak rip tide (I won't let them go any deeper than their knees. It's no wonder they love going places without me), it's not really so horrible to lose a child because they are in heaven, in a much better place. That didn't comfort me any. I was still freaked out by the rip tides. I won't even go backpacking or camping anymore. it's not the lack of toilets that keeps me from going, it's the bears. This my entire family knows and teases me about. I am sure that I am going to be attacked by a bear while camping and therefore can't sleep at all and lay there hyperventilating imagining the absolute worst. If it isn't the bears that are going to get me, it's the lighting. I hate lightening while camping! Kate goes backpacking with my parents every year. I hate it. I'm terrified that she is going to be attacked by bears or struck by lightening.

I'm telling you, I'm crazy. It didn't used to be this bad, but as my kids get older and more independent I am finding that my neurosis is increasing.

I hope that most of you are laughing and thinking that I am not really THAT crazy. Casey thinks that I'm just looking for attention when I tell someone (I try to keep it to myself and people only realize it when I'm obviously worried about something) because they ask what's bothering me so much.

Oh well, I guess we all have our little quirks. Obviously some are worse than others. It's not like I'm the only one who wakes up on a regular basis sure that the earth is shaking and that I'm in the midst of an earthquake and have to convince myself that the pictures on teh walls really aren't moving and bed is really not shaking. I mean come on - doesn't everyone do that?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I owe anyone who cares an apology!

My blog has been known for it's interesting and brutally honest content. Well, anyone who has read it lately has been VERY dissapointed! I'm sorry to all of you who count on a little honesty about fat arms and loving public school.

The truth is that I've been way busier than I would love to be. It's a good busy though. I will admit it, starting a business is A LOT of hard work and very time consuming. It is somewhat flattering that it is doing as well as it is though. It does do something for the ego when a product that you made is being sold and people are actually buying it. I now have booths set up at the Quilted Bear in Provo, Ogden, and the one in Midvale. And today I have spent ALL day setting up my web-site. I think I'm almost done. It isn't great cause I'm no web genius, but at least it's a web-site.

To catch you up, my family reunion in WA was great. The kids LOVEd it. Sammy is growing and still the apple of my eye. I will admit, however, that when he flips over before I have gotten his clean diaper on and crawls away, it frustrates me. I have also had to start telling him no and slapping his hand every so gently (he has a shoe feddish and thinks that every shoe belongs in his mouth). His bottom lip immediatly curls under and he gives me this look of complete confusion. The look isn't one of pain or being upset that he was scolded, but rather confusion. His mommy who adores him and smiles continually when she is with him, who kisses and plays with him non-stop, has just done something that is out of the ordinary and totally unexpected - she scolded me! Oh the horror. The second the lip curls under I immediately scoop him into my arms and kiss him and apologize. I'm such a sucker!

School starts on Monday (I'm not sure I can say HALLELUJAH loud enough). I keep telling myself that once school starts I will once again have time to get to the gym and maybe get rid of the muffin top that hides under my baggy shirts and the sausage arms once and for all! Yeah right, as I stuff another brownie into my mouth. Oh well - maybe I will get to the gym.

Other than that, all is pretty good (I won't go into the last fight Casey and I had). The kids are healthy (Jane is without Strep throat finally, she has only had it 3 times this summer), Cole is loving football - as is Casey, and I'm keeping busy with my little business.

I'll try to come up with a good, brutally honest entry next time!

Friday, August 15, 2008

I need help!

I'm wondering if anybody out there that reads this can give me some advice. As most of you know, I make and sell chore cards and chore boards. Well, I can't personally keep up with the demand any more and need them manufactured.

You may be saying that this is good news - and it is - kind of. The kind of comes in with my lack of knowledge. I may be able to tell you the number of electrons in Neon, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get these cards produced. I don't even know where to begin. I produced 3,500 of them this week and let me tell you, it just about killed me (not to mention my sister who was kind enough to help me sort them all).

If you have any advice at all, it would be greatly appreciated. Actually, the biggest source of frustration is punching a hole through them once they are laminated. Nobody seems to be able to do it (they broke the drill machine this week at kinkos trying). I need some sort of machine (or company) that is industrial enough to punch through heavy lamination and a lot of it.

I can get them printed and I have a source for the paper pretty cheap. I don't even mind laminating them myself - it's the hole punching. Have you ever single handedly, one at a time, hole punched 3,500 cards? Let me tell you that it is not fun and your left shoulder and pectoral muscle get really sore.

Okay, enough of the complaining. I have a great product, I can't keep up with the demand, and I need to know how to mass produce them - cheaply!

Thanks for any advice you can offer.