Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I've never claimed to be a gardener (did I spell that correctly?), or even claimed to like it a little bit. And after my last planting experience a couple of weeks ago, I swore I was DONE for the year! Then I drove past someone's house that had rows of Gladiolas.

I pushed back the feeling of wanting that beauty in front of my home and thought how incredibly beautiful it would be to have them lining my fence where nothing but some ugly, small bushes reside.

Then today Casey did it - he told me that we needed something in the one pot that didn't have anything in it yet and it was a domino effect. All of a sudden we decided to leave the one pot on the walkway and get two new ones for the door, and the list goes on.

Off to Home Depot I went with a smile on my face. Buying the flowers and pots is always the fun part. It's cramming them in your SUV when you have 5 twelve packs of diet coke and an astronimically large stroller back there. Not to mention the little bins that you pretend to organize things in.

None-the-less, I went, I conquered, and came home and planted. Let's just say it was a good thing that no children accompanied me on my trip, they would have been strapped to the roof of the car!

Like I said, I don't love planting - I just LOVE the effect. As I was thinking about this while planting, I realized that there are a lot of things in life like that. We may not necessarily love the journey, but the result is SO worth it.

I honestly walk out my front door and gaze at my flower beds and pots. I love them. I love driving up to my home. I turn the corner onto Mt. Hood Drive and when I see my house I am grateful. I'm grateful that I have such a lovely home and that I made it that way. Me - I planted almost every plant we have (not the trees or shrubs). I am grateful that I have a husband that provides so well so that I can go and buy flowers and pots. I'm just grateful.

I can't wait now until all of the gladiolas I planted come up - all 72 of them! So maybe I went a little overboard, but I have a tendancy to do that (have you seen my chest)!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Check out my Slide Show!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ground Turkey Anyone?

This is what happens when you have never tasted ground up turkey and don't ever want to taste it again. Maybe I shouldn't think this is so funny - but I do. I did throw it out after the last bite shown so that he never has to taste it again. He's a real fruit boy!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Any Day Now!

This last week Sammy decided that laying there, not being able to reach anything, was not fun any longer. He has just figured out that if he gets up on his knees like he is doing in the above picture, he can lunge forward and get what he is after. It's pretty funny. There's a lot of grunting involved! I'm assuming that one of these times he may realize that he can move his legs independently and actually begin to really crawl. How fun will that be?

I was reading my friends blog this morning before I went walking, and was really touched by her entry. She mentioned what she missed about having babies and small children. Her's are teenagers now. It made me realize how blessed I am to have 4 wonderful children. I remember when Kate and Jane were born. I was young and in a not so great marriage. Having kids was expected and not necessarily desired. I didn't love those babies like I should have.

Don't get me wrong - I was a great mom, full of kisses, hugs, and songs, but I didn't enjoy it like I do now. Having a baby at 35 was the best.

After Jane was born my marriage to Mike really fell apart and it became very evident that we could no longer pick up the pieces and we divorced. Jane was only 1 and Kate was 3. It was a very difficult time in my life. I was back in school full time, going through a divorce, and wondering how I was going to get through the next few years of my life. I moved in with my parents in Ogden so that I could go back to school full time, transferred from BYU to WSU and when to school for 3 years without a break taking the maximum and more number of credit hours I could to just get done. I majored in a field that I didn't necessarily love, but chose it because I knew that a science teach would alwyas have a job and an english teach wouldn't. It was a very difficult major and I have to admit that I was just tired a lot.

I just didn't relish in my small children like I should have. I did spend all my time outside of school with them. I wouldn't study or do any school work when I was at home because I felt that it wasn't fair to them. I did all that I could to enjoy them. People used to ask me if I was sad that I wasn't having babies still. No. Honestly, after Jane was born life was hard and I didn't miss babies even a little bit. I needed to be sleeping all night rather than getting up each time you hear a noise. I was happy that I was no longer toting car seats and diaper bags. I had no desire to hold other peoples babies and just plain didn't want on. That is until Jane was about 6. By that time I was done with school and working and longing for what I didn't have.

Casey and I had been through a few years of struggling to just stay together, and by the time Jane was almost 7, we were married for the third time and both ready to have a baby. I wanted a baby so badly I could taste it. For the first time my heart broke for women that went years without being able to have a child. My soul literally ached and cried for those women that try and try and just can't have babies. After three months of "trying" we got pregnant and I cried.

I cried out of joy and fear, and I cried out of saddness for those women that never felt that joy of a postitive pregnancy test. Then I just got sick and had a horrible pregnancy. But the day Sammy was born my life changed.

Everyone thought I was crazy for giving up the easy life I was enjoying. My kids were independant and easy. They could feed themselves and clean up after themselves, and rarely puked. It logically didn't make sense, but it made sense to my soul and Sammy became a very wanted part of my life.

With the girls I'm sorry to say that I was impatient. I hated getting up during the night and hated it when I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I have never felt that way with Sammy. I can honestly say that I have loved every second of having him. No, I don't enjoy being puked on over and over and I don't love getting up earlier than I could like, but I cherish each and every smile. I love the smell of his neck when I kiss it and the sound of his laughter when I tickle him. I love the seeing him run his tongue over his two bottom teeth out of amazment that something is there. I love that when he sees me coming he almost bursts with excitment. I love that he grabs my face and gives me huge open mouth kisses. I'm telling you, it's the strangest thing what having a baby after going so long without one will do to you. I love him and treasure his so dearly that I can't imagine how I every went without him. He is the sweetest child that God could have sent to me. I always told the girls that when Heavenly Father was looking for which spirits to send to me, he looked through all the heaven and chose the two most beautiful, most kind, most sweetest girls up there, and those are the ones that he sent to me. I would tell them that they are my most precious gift from God and that he must love me so much to send me his two most precious daughters.

Now I look at Sammy and tell him the same thing, but as a boy. I tell him that Heavenly Father looked through the whole heaven and found a boy that was so sweet and kind and tender. A boy also full of laughs and happiness, and that is the one he chose to send to me, that he must love me more than anyone else to have given me this gift.

I truly feel that way about my children. Each time I look at them I am amazed that our Heavenly Father trusts me to raise them. Me, who is vain, impatient, and not nearly as wonderful a mother as most women I know. He trusts me with them. I have learned to love my children more with the birth of Sammy and to enjoy each day and each scent. I have learned so much with the birth of this boy and am grateful every single day to have him.

I may not do everything right, but I know that my Heavenly Father does love me - if for no other reason than he gave me these three incredible souls to grace my life.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Our Latest Dance Lesson Provided Great Results!

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Friday, May 2, 2008

Obese you say (I say it to myself only)

I am so sick of looking in the mirror and I'm just a little upset with myself. Let me tell you why - as if you couldn't guess from the image I added. Well, when Casey and I decided to start "trying" to have a baby, I was a nice and slender 130 lbs and feeling good about life. I didn't exercise and ate in moderation, but never deprived myself of too much. Genetics was good to me - very good. A couple of months after "trying" I noticed that my belly was getting a little soft and hoped as I stood in the shower looking at it, that I was pregnant. Cause if I wasn't, my belly was disgusting and the few pounds I had let myself gain were not justified. Nope - negative test. Dang - that meant I was just gaining weight.

The next month I did get pregnant and started with the best of intentions. With Kate and Jane I gained 40 lbs and hated losing it, but always did. This time was going to be different I told myself. This time I was going to exercise and eat less - way less. Wrong again, I think I went on a total of maybe 6 walks and the whole eating way less idea, not a chance. Every donut, ding dong, and container of ice cream was mine. Casey got to the point when we would go to dinner that he would just let the server know that we would be ordering a huge dessert to go, which I would wolf down in record time a couple of hours later.

I told myself that it was okay, I take good care of myself and watch what I eat continually when I'm not pregnant and this is my chance to just not worry about it. Well, worry about it I did every single day when I tried to squeeze my legs that could have been mistaken for oversized sausages into my pants. The XL just weren't fitting like they should. I had to admit that I was fat and had let myself go.

Sammy was due on Nov. 23rd and the last month I was in so much pain that I couldn't move much at all - add on more weight. By the beginning of November I was 180 lbs. Thats 50 lbs - yes I said 50 lbs. - more than when I started. I was so happy when my water broke on Nov. 8th, not because Sammy was coming, but because my weight gain was over and I was now on the down hill side (that and I could finally walk again). Can you believe that I only lost about 15 lbs with the birth of Sammy? I couldn't. Now listen, I realize that I have had other children and am always the one telling new moms that you go home in maternity clothes and cry for a while when your skinny jeans don't go right on. Let's just say I cried when I looked at myself and still do.

Sammy is 6 months old and I weight 155 lbs (151 on a good day). Can you believe that? I can't. That means that in 6 months I have lost only 25 lbs. That is pathetic. I know, the saying is that it took 9 months to gain the weight, so it should take 9 months to lose the weight. I HATE that saying, mostly because I can see the writing on the wall. 9 months my butt (no pun intended). I am still wearing one of the two pairs of pants that acutally fit and REFUSE to buy new clothes to fit my soft and overweight body. I HATE dressing each and every morning and am to the point where I just don't know what to do. I can't do weight watchers - I hate keeping track of my food and being depressed each week when I've only lost 1/2 a lb. (peeing before hand can account for that loss). I walk 2 miles every morning with my sister and it's a brisk walk. I mean, I really work up a sweat during my walk. I LOVE to eat, but really do try to watch what I eat. I need some help ladies. I can't stand looking at myself any longer. I want to fit back into all of my clothes that I love. I can't even wear my t-shirts anymore because when I wore a short sleeve one last week I threw-up in my mouth when I saw my arms in the mirror. They looked like two stuffed sausages sticking out of a way too small shirt. My boobs were HUGE and my arms were even huger. You would think that the large boobs would detract from the sausage arms - no. I think that because they are on the same level as the boobs, they are just as noticable. Sad isn't. I cried and changed my shirt.

Tell me how I can lose my last 20 lbs and how I can make my butterfly sausage arms go away - now!! And lipo isn't an option - it isn't in the budget or believe me, I would have already done that! After all, I am not against plastic surgery, my boobs that draw attention to my sausage arms are proof of that!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Casey's Blog Spot

So, my funny husband wanted his own blog. He really enjoys reading up on everyone that we know (that has blogs). He always wants to write things and share his life. I think it's very endearing. Anyway, you need to go and visit it. You will see a different side of Casey than the one you are most likely familiar with. Don't laugh too hard at the name of the site - I had to set up the blog and used a phrase that I have always thought of when I think of Casey. I thought it on our first date and have been singing it ever since. You know the tune "Casey Jr. comin down the track, comin down the track". Funny thing is that Casey isn't familiar with it. I just had to put the picture of the train to show that it actually does exist! I love my Casey. His blog is http://comindownthetrack.blogspot.com